Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Soap Box Special: Natural Hair Pet Peeves

I am laid back when hair is involved. Other parts of my life not so much, but when it comes to hair, I don't work myself into a frenzy. Unfortunately, there are things related to natural hair that I simply CANNOT STAND! These things get under my skin and make me want to pounce (much like the tiger to above). The following are not in any particular order because they all equally twist my tits:(

  1. Mixed Nuts. All of a sudden when  these annoying people get some length to their hair, they want to claim that they are mixed. They didn't mention anything when thet had 2, 4, or even 6 inches of hair. Funny now that they are mid- back length it comes up. Granted, sometimes this stuff just doesn't come up. All I'm saying is that it wasn't a big deal back then so don't make it a big deal now. 
  2. Not so Basic. Isn't it funny how those who do too much are frequently the most boisterous? People like this make natural hair seem high maintenance and difficult. In fact, natural hair is ridiculously simple. The biggest issue with natural hair in the past was that not many products were designed for our hair's needs and we were ignorant of better techniques. That time is over. So, no you don't need to pre- poo and deep condition  for umpteen hours. No you don't have to buy every single over- priced bottle of Carol's Daughter. And, for goodness sakes, don't  bore me with all things you "have" to do to make your hair manageable.
  3. Natural Nazis. Like much of what we do in life, hair is a choice. The best thing to come from this "Natural Hair Revolution" is that it opened up our options. Unfortunately, the worst was the resurgence of purists. I say resurgence because this idea is not new. Truth of the matter is that there will always be people with nothing better to do than being bothered by what you choose to do with your hair. 
  4. Goddesses of the Curl. These people went natural for the curls. They thought their hair would be curly and therefore "pretty" when they went natural. When talking about hair it's ," Curl definition this...Kinky Curly that..." The way I see it, if you have curls or not, it doesn't affect me because I don't and will never have your hair. 
  5. Oh you look like...No we don't look like Erykah Badu or Maci Gray. Solange is not our hair idol! Please do not compare us to any one. Is that supposed to be a compliment? Insinuating that we are not individuals, but instead clones of  (insert random Neo Soul artist). Please, our hair just grows like this. 
Just had to get that out! Feel free to comment on the things that annoy you about natural hair. 

Monday, 30 July 2012

Soap Box Special: Random Side Effects of Having an Enviable Fro

        As your guide to an enviable fro, it is my duty to inform you of the consequences of an awe-evoking globe. As part of my woolly- haired flock, don't say I didn't warn you. I have prepared a list, albeit mostly tongue-in-cheek:

  1. You WILL stand out in a crowd. If you crave attention every time you step out of the house, well this is perfect. I have yet to understand the mass appeal of an afro. Maybe it's because human beings like circles. I may have to do more research on Gestalt psychology to form a meaningful hypothesis on this. Until then, don't rob a bank because you will most likely be remembered. 
  2. You make new friends easily. Many people apparently want to be friends with someone with a fro. Use this to your advantage. Make connections and network! Instead of a foot in the door, you will have a fro in the door. Figuratively, I hope, because doors can do some major fro damage 
  3. People may assume that you are an extrovert. Big hair = big personality, right? If you are an extrovert (meaning you get energy from spending time with others), you are good to go. If you are introverted, like myself, be prepared to be called aloof when you are not as "out there" as your hair would suggest.
  4. You may contemplate opening a petting zoo. People will want to pet you! That request comes up so often that I have thought about charging people for touching (read petting) my fro. One of two things happen when you state a price: they don't touch your hair or you make some quick cash. Win win if you ask me! Sometimes, I wish more people took option two:P  
  5. You gain a couple inches. Even if you are already tall and might not need the extra inches, your hair will give the illusion of added height. If you're short and want to look taller, this side effect is definitely a perk.
  6. Hipsters will try to date you. I have to shoo hipsters away on a regular basis. They like novelty and retro. However; not really into cutoff shorts, ironic mustaches, and spending a majority of my time at Little Five Points.  
  7. Very hard to ride a motorcycle! Forget helmet head. Your biggest concern would be to get the darn helmet on in the first place. If you are fool hardy enough, I hope you're not claustrophobic, 
I'll add to this list as I think of more. Until then laugh a little!
Fro Envy